Do you ever visit a place where you lived previously, maybe in a totally different part of your life?
The other day, I was in a place in Georgia where I used to live, with my first husband, over 10+ years ago.
As I was entering this area, thoughts and emotions started entering my mind.
Immediately, I started to think about the person I was during this time in my life.
Let me tell you, I did not have happy thoughts about the Cassie of 15 years ago.
I started feeling anxiety.
- Anxiety of a failed marriage
- Anxiety of regrets
- Anxiety about things that happened
- Anxiety of things that didn’t happen
- Anxiety about misconstructions
- Anxiety about things that happened to me that I didn’t consider “fair”
- Lost family members
- Lost friendships
I felt myself getting sucked into the vortex.
And then I stopped myself.
I asked myself:
“How can I be more compassionate of this Cassie of times past?”
New thoughts started swarming me:
- I was never taught how to have healthy relationships
- I was never taught how to adult
- When I got married at 16 years old, I thought I was doing the right thing
- I had a lot of spiritual baggage, including an unhealthy relationship with God, and thus, an unhealthy relationship with myself
- I had a lot of baggage of a broken family, growing up with an alcoholic father
- I had picked up many unhealthy coping mechanisms over the years that were manifesting some crazy things in my life
Really, that Cassie was doing pretty darn well! She still had her wits about her. She could pay her bills and keep a job. She could function at a base level.
I didn’t know that I had a lot of healing to come. I didn’t even know I needed healing!
If you had a sordid past and have been able to pull yourself out of it, I commend you! It is hard work. What a blessing it is to look back at your old self and how far you have come.
Look at your old self with compassion and gratitude. You have learned a lot of valuable lessons!
And if you are in the muck and mire right now? Determine that this isn’t the end of your story. Figure out what the next best step is for you and do it. Every single day.
So, thank you, young Cassie. You were young and innocent and doing the best you could. Thank you for not giving up on life. Thank you for putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. One day the pieces fell into place and it all made sense. XOXO.